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By Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC — Attachment Therapist in Los Angeles
Last updated October 2025 • Clinically reviewed by Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC
What is a secure attachment? It’s the ability to trust closeness without losing yourself. When your nervous system feels safe enough to depend on someone and stay grounded in who you are — that’s secure attachment.
It doesn’t mean you never get triggered or need space. It means your body knows connection can be repaired.
If you’re wondering how to actually build that kind of safety, you can learn more about my approach to attachment therapy in Los Angeles – where we work on helping your nervous system unlearn the constant bracing and start to feel safe in closeness again.
Here’s what most people want to understand when they start asking what secure attachment really feels like.-
Check in with yourself
How Secure Does Your Attachment Feel?
If you recognized yourself in some of these signs, my free attachment style quiz can show where your current relationship sits on a simple map of the four patterns, including how close you are to the secure corner. It takes about six minutes, and your answers stay private.
Map My Attachment StyleAn educational self-reflection tool by Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC
Secure attachment isn’t about never feeling anxious or needing anyone. It’s the ability to trust that connection and safety are possible – even when you’re upset or afraid.
If these myths sound familiar, therapy can help you rebuild trust in connection itself — you can see how I approach this work on my attachment therapy Los Angeles page.
Think of someone who feels easy to be around. Not perfect, just steady.
Take one slow breath and see what your body does when you picture them. Maybe your shoulders drop. Or your stomach stops clenching for a second. Maybe nothing changes, and that’s fine too.
You’re just noticing what safety feels like in real time. That’s the part your body learns to trust again in therapy.
Secure attachment in adulthood looks like steadiness in relationships — you can feel close without losing yourself. You can be upset without assuming you’ll be abandoned. You recover after conflict, express what you need, and trust that connection can stretch without snapping.
Most people expect “secure” to feel calm all the time. It doesn’t. It feels safe enough to stay present while things are messy.
You can disagree with your partner and still want dinner together. You can send a hard text and not reread it ten times. You can notice your chest tighten, take a breath, and realize, oh right, I’m okay.
Secure attachment isn’t about avoiding anxiety. Instead, it’s about your body no longer treating closeness like danger. That’s where somatic work comes in. When your shoulders tense or your voice tightens mid-conversation, that’s your nervous system asking, Are we still safe? Therapy helps your body learn the answer is yes.
Yes. Secure attachment can absolutely be built in adulthood. Through therapy and consistent experiences of emotional safety, your brain and body update their old wiring to learn that people can stay, repair is possible, and your needs aren’t a threat.
In my Los Angeles practice, I see this shift when clients start catching micro-moments of safety.
Like realizing they don’t have to apologize three times before saying what they feel.
Or noticing their jaw unclench halfway through a hard talk. Those are nervous-system wins — proof your body is finally getting new data: connection can hold steady now.
That’s the work we do together in attachment therapy. We slow things down so your system stops reacting to the past. Over time, that steadiness becomes your new baseline.
You’ll notice it in the pauses: you think before reacting, breathe before explaining, and stop rehearsing every conversation in your head. Your body starts trusting that connection can survive imperfection – that you can show up as yourself and still be loved.
As an attachment therapist in Los Angeles, I have witnessed time and again how impactful a secure attachment can have on our relationships and overall well-being. In this blog, I will dive into the importance of secure attachment, explore its origins, and provide practical strategies to help you move from insecure to secure attachment
But what exactly is secure attachment?
At its core, secure attachment represents a deep and enduring emotional bond between two individuals. It is the feeling of safety, trust, and comfort that develops when our needs for physical and emotional closeness are consistently met by our caregivers. Research has shown that this early secure attachment lays the foundation for healthy interpersonal relationships throughout our lives.
Securely attached individuals demonstrate the ability to form and maintain loving and supportive relationships. They have a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, knowing that they can rely on others in times of need. They are more likely to navigate conflicts effectively, communicate openly, and express empathy towards their partners and friends.
In contrast, individuals with insecure attachment may struggle with intimacy and trust, often experiencing difficulties in building satisfying relationships. Anxious attachment can manifest as an intense fear of abandonment and an overwhelming need for reassurance. Avoidant attachment, on the other hand, may lead to a tendency to avoid emotional closeness and vulnerability, creating distance in relationships.
Fortunately, attachment patterns are not set in stone, and can be influenced by our experiences and intentional efforts.
1. Responsive caregiving: Secure attachment is fostered when caregivers consistently respond sensitively and promptly to the needs and cues of the child. This includes providing comfort, support, and emotional warmth, which helps the child feel secure and valued.
2. Emotional availability: Secure attachment is also influenced by caregivers who are emotionally available and attuned to the child’s emotions. This involves being present, empathetic, and validating the child’s feelings, which fosters a sense of safety, acceptance, and understanding.
3. Consistency and predictability: Creating a stable and predictable environment is crucial for secure attachment. When caregivers consistently meet the child’s basic physical and emotional needs, establish routines, and provide a predictable structure, it helps the child feel secure, reducing anxiety and promoting a sense of trust and confidence in the world.
4. Positive social interactions: Secure attachment is enhanced by opportunities for positive social interactions. Caregivers who encourage and facilitate friendships, playdates, and interactions with peers and other supportive adults help the child develop social skills, a sense of belonging, and a broader network of attachment relationships.
1. Trust and reliance: Individuals with secure attachment are comfortable relying on others and have confidence in the availability and support of their attachment figures. They trust that their needs will be met consistently.
2. Emotional regulation: Securely attached individuals have developed healthy strategies for managing their emotions. They can regulate themselves during times of stress or distress, seeking comfort from their attachment figures when needed without becoming overwhelmed or overly dependent.
3. Effective communication: Securely attached individuals tend to have good communication skills, both in expressing their needs, wants, and feelings, and in listening and understanding others. They are able to engage in open and honest conversations with their attachment figures, fostering healthy and secure connections.
4. Independence and exploration: Those with secure attachment have a solid foundation of trust and support, allowing them to feel confident in exploring the world around them. They are comfortable taking risks and branching out independently, while being secure in the knowledge that their attachment figures are there for them when needed.
5. Strong sense of self-worth: Securely attached individuals have a positive self-image and a healthy sense of self-worth. They feel valued and accepted by their attachment figures, which promotes a strong and confident sense of self. They are less likely to seek external validation and have a higher degree of self-compassion and self-esteem.
These signs of secure attachment indicate a healthy and nurturing bond with attachment figures, providing a sense of safety, support, and emotional stability.
1. Develop self-awareness: Start by becoming aware of your own attachment style. Reflect on how your early relationships and experiences may have influenced your attachment patterns. This self-awareness can help you better understand how you respond in relationships and identify any insecure attachment behaviors or tendencies.
2. Seek therapy or counseling: If you notice patterns of insecure attachment in your relationships, consider seeking therapy or counseling. A trained professional can guide you in exploring your attachment style, understanding its impact on your relationships, and developing strategies to cultivate a more secure attachment.
3. Foster healthy communication: Good communication is key to building secure attachments. Practice active listening, empathy, and assertiveness in your relationships. Be open and honest with your partner or loved ones about your needs, boundaries, and concerns. Creating a safe and open space for dialogue can help establish trust and security.
4. Engage in self-care: Taking care of yourself is vital for fostering a secure attachment. Prioritize self-care activities that support your well-being, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, and hobbies. Cultivating a healthy sense of self and personal happiness can strengthen your ability to form secure attachments with others.
5. Build secure relationships: Surround yourself with individuals who prioritize healthy, secure attachments. Surrounding yourself with supportive and emotionally available people can positively influence your own attachment style. Seek out relationships where both partners are committed to open communication, trust, and mutual respect.
Remember, securing your attachment style is a journey that requires self-reflection, self-growth, and continual effort. It may take time, but investing in your attachment security can lead to more fulfilling and satisfying relationships.
1. Creating a safe and supportive environment: Therapy provides a secure setting where individuals can explore their attachment experiences without judgment or criticism. Therapists offer a safe space to process emotions and work through unresolved attachment issues.
2. Healing past attachment wounds: Therapists help individuals identify and understand their attachment patterns and how they impact their current relationships. By exploring and working through past experiences, therapy can help heal attachment wounds and promote healthier attachment styles.
3. Building self-awareness and self-compassion: Through therapy, individuals gain insight into their own emotional and behavioral patterns, helping them develop a greater understanding of their attachment needs. By cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion, individuals can develop more secure relationships with themselves and others.
4. Learning and practicing healthy communication skills: Therapy offers an opportunity to learn and practice effective communication skills, which are crucial for establishing secure attachments. Therapists teach individuals how to express their needs, set boundaries, and engage in empathetic and respectful communication with others.
5. Developing secure attachment with the therapist: The therapeutic relationship itself can serve as a valuable experience of secure attachment. Therapists provide a consistent and attuned presence, modeling healthy attachment behaviors and allowing individuals to experience secure emotional connections. This positive experience can then be generalized to other relationships outside of therapy.
As an attachment therapist in Los Angeles, my aim is to facilitate a secure attachment between you and me. By creating a safe and supportive therapeutic environment, I can help foster a sense of trust, intimacy, and connection that promotes a secure attachment. Here are some ways I can work towards that goal:
1. Building a relationship: I strive to establish an authentic, genuine, and non-judgmental relationship with you. This entails actively listening to your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and showing empathy and understanding. By providing a space where you feel heard and validated, I hope to strengthen the attachment bond.
2. Creating a safe space: It is crucial to create a safe and confidential environment where you can freely express yourself without fear of judgment or repercussion. My intention is to cultivate an atmosphere of emotional safety, where you feel comfortable sharing your deepest emotions and experiences.
3. Consistency and reliability: I believe in being consistent and reliable in our therapeutic relationship. This means upholding confidentiality, maintaining regular session times, and being present and engaged during our meetings. By being dependable, I hope to build trust and provide a reliable source of support.
4. Validation and acceptance: I understand the importance of validation and acceptance in promoting a secure attachment. I aim to validate your experiences, feelings, and perspectives, acknowledging their significance and helping you gain insight into your own emotions. Through acceptance, I hope to create an environment where you can embrace your authentic self without fear of rejection.
5. Open communication: I encourage open and honest communication in our therapeutic relationship. This includes providing space for you to express any concerns, questions, or doubts you may have about our work together. By fostering open dialogue, we can address any issues that may arise and strengthen our attachment through transparent and authentic communication.
6. Collaborative approach: I believe in collaboration and shared decision-making. I value your input and strive to make our therapeutic journey a joint effort. By actively involving you in the therapeutic process, we can work together towards your goals and ensure your needs are being met.
By implementing these strategies, my intention is to help secure and strengthen our attachment. A secure therapeutic attachment can provide a foundation for personal growth, healing, and positive change. I am committed to supporting you on this journey and fostering a secure and trusting therapeutic relationship.
As an attachment therapist, I understand the importance of secure attachment in adult relationships. Here are some practical tools and interventions that you can use to help secure your attachment style:
Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues or any other challenges, I am here to support you on your journey towards inner peace and wellbeing. By working together, we can develop a personalized plan tailored to your unique needs, using evidence-based techniques and empathetic guidance to help you achieve your goals. So, if you’re ready to invest in yourself and start living your best life, don’t hesitate to reach out today and schedule your first appointment. I can’t wait to see the positive changes we can create together!
1. “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explores the importance of secure attachment in romantic relationships and provides practical advice for developing a secure attachment style.
2. “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson offers a step-by-step guide for couples to explore and deepen their emotional connection, with a focus on creating a secure attachment in the relationship.
3. “The Attachment Connection: Parenting a Secure and Confident Child Using the Science of Attachment Theory” by Ruth Newton PhD delves into the application of attachment theory in child-rearing and provides strategies for parents in building secure attachment with their children from infancy through adolescence.
