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By Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC | Anxiety, Trauma & Attachment Therapist in Los Angeles
Last updated October 2026• Clinically reviewed by Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC
You can understand why you react a certain way and still feel like you can’t stop doing it. Maybe one part of you wants closeness while another pulls away. Or you know you need to set a boundary, but the guilt shows up before you can even say no.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps you understand these conflicting reactions. It starts with the idea that we all have different parts of ourselves, each with its own feelings, fears, and ways of protecting us. Some parts push us to keep going. Others try to keep everyone happy. And some carry feelings we’ve spent years trying to avoid.
So, what is IFS therapy, and how does it actually work? In this guide, I’ll walk you through the IFS model, the different types of parts, what happens in a session, and how this approach can help you understand your patterns and respond to yourself differently.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps you understand the different parts of yourself (the achiever, the avoider, the overthinker) and what each one is trying to protect. When those parts feel safe, your body and mind start working together instead of against each other.
IFS was created by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s after noticing how people naturally say things like, “Part of me wants to, part of me doesn’t.”
He realized those weren’t metaphors – they were accurate. Every person has multiple “parts,” each with its own job. Some parts try to keep you safe, some manage pain, and others carry old emotional memories.
IFS helps you make sense of those inner dynamics so you stop reacting from them, and instead start leading them.
IFS describes three main categories of parts that interact all day, often without you noticing:
Beneath all those protective parts is your Self – the grounded, compassionate, clear version of you that doesn’t have to perform or control to feel okay.
When Self is leading, things inside quiet down. You can think clearly, set boundaries, and stay connected even when you’re triggered.
IFS therapy helps you strengthen that relationship with Self until it becomes your natural way of moving through the world.
Beneath all those busy parts, there’s a version of you that’s steady – the one that doesn’t panic or perform. It’s who you are when you’re not trying to be anything.
When that Self energy starts to show up, it feels different. There’s more space. You feel calm but awake. Curious instead of judgmental. You start to notice your shoulders drop, your breath deepen, your chest soften. That’s your system realizing it’s safe.
IFS calls this way of being the 8 C’s:
Calm, Clarity, Compassion, Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Connectedness.
And you don’t force them! They show up naturally once your parts stop bracing for danger.
If you want to know what that actually feels like in real life, read The 8 C’s of IFS Therapy and What They Actually Feel Like Day to Day. It breaks down what each one looks like when your nervous system finally feels regulated enough to relax.
Unburdening in IFS is what happens when a part of you finally lets go of what it’s been carrying – shame, fear, guilt, responsibility, or old beliefs that formed in survival. It’s not a technique or a ritual. It’s your system naturally updating once that part feels safe enough to stop doing its old job.
Here’s what it actually looks like in therapy:
Insight alone doesn't rewire the nervous system. Safety does."
Now that you know what IFS therapy actually is, let’s talk about what happens in the room – what an IFS session looks like and how your system learns, slowly but surely, to trust safety again. If you want to see what that process looks like in my work, here’s my approach to IFS therapy in Los Angeles.
An IFS session feels slower and more curious than traditional talk therapy. You tune in to what’s happening in your body and mind, like the parts that protect, manage, or avoid. As those parts start to feel understood, your nervous system stops bracing for danger and begins to trust safety again
Early sessions often sound like a team meeting in your head. Maybe a manager part jumps in to explain everything. Maybe a protector rolls its eyes at the whole idea of slowing down.
But you don’t push them away…you thank them for showing up.
As you get a little distance and unblend from those voices, things start to make sense. You see that you’re not your anxiety or your shutdown – you’re the one who can listen to them.
Sometimes parts don’t want to do this work. They worry therapy will make things worse – that if they let go, everything will fall apart. Or they worry that if we finally give them what they need and unburden them, they’ll no longer have a job to do.
In IFS, we do NOT fight that resistance. Instead, we understand it. Nurture it. Those protectors are doing exactly what they were designed to do – keep you safe.
IFS therapy doesn’t just change how you think. It changes how your brain and body communicate.
Every part holds a kind of implicit memory (not the story you tell, but what your body remembers).
Maybe your stomach drops when someone sounds irritated. Or your jaw tightens before you speak up. That’s your nervous system remembering what once felt unsafe.
When you turn toward those reactions instead of fighting them, your brain starts pairing those same sensations with safety instead of threat. This is both bottom-up integration (through the body) meeting top-down awareness (through reflection).
The National Institute of Mental Health notes that trauma recovery involves reconnecting emotional and physical memory. Exactly what IFS therapy helps you do!
CBT focuses on changing thoughts. IFS focuses on understanding who is having them.
In CBT, you might challenge beliefs like “I’m not good enough.”In IFS, we’d get curious about the part of you that believes that – when it learned that message, what it’s trying to protect you from, and what it actually needs.
EMDR helps the brain reprocess trauma by activating memory networks while staying grounded in the present. It can be powerful – but not every nervous system feels ready for that level of intensity right away.
IFS offers a different entry point. Instead of going straight into the memory, we work with the parts that hold it. We help them trust that it’s safe to unburden, at their pace.
That’s what makes IFS so effective for people who’ve already done EMDR but still feel guarded or flooded. I also love IFS for anyone with complex trauma. EMDR can be great for PTSD, but for Complex PTSD, it may not be one single event trauma. It may be more insidious, like being dismissed growing up or having an emotionally immature or narcissistic parent.
Sometimes your nervous system doesn’t need more exposure… it just needs permission to rest.
IFS and somatic work both understand that healing can’t happen just through talking. IFS gives language to what’s happening inside. Somatic work helps your body experience that safety directly.
Together, they help you:
IFS therapy usually resonates with people who already know themselves – the ones who’ve done talk therapy, read every self-help book, and still feel stuck in the same loops.
If that’s you, you probably know what’s going on. You can name your triggers, your attachment style, maybe even your childhood pattern.
But part of you still can’t stop overthinking, people-pleasing, or shutting down when things get close.
That’s the split IFS helps you work with – the part that wants change and the part that hits the brakes.
In IFS therapy, we don’t treat anxiety like a problem. We get curious about why it’s there.
Anxiety is usually a protector part – trying to manage, control, or prevent something painful underneath. Once that part feels understood, it doesn’t have to run the show anymore.
You can read more about this in how IFS therapy helps when anxiety shows up as a protector part. It breaks down how this work helps you feel calmer without forcing calm.
For perfectionists, IFS helps loosen that belief that everything depends on you. You start to see that the pressure isn’t who you are, but that it’s a learned survival pattern.
You can learn about a holistic approach to anxiety therapy here.
IFS therapy also works deeply for people carrying old trauma or attachment wounds.
It helps you connect with the parts of yourself that had to grow up too fast – the ones that learned to stay quiet, keep the peace, or pretend everything was fine.
When those parts finally feel seen and safe, they stop running survival programs that no longer fit your life. That’s where you start feeling different – in your body, not just your head.
IFS works with both the mind and the body – because they’re not separate systems. When you explore your parts, you’re not just identifying thoughts or emotions. You’re also tracking how those parts live in your body. A protective part might show up as tension in your chest. An exiled part might feel like heaviness in your stomach or a wave of shame that hits before you can think.
In IFS, those body sensations aren’t random – they’re part of how your system learned to protect you. When we slow down and stay present with a part, we’re helping both your mind and your nervous system recognize safety in real time. That’s why this work can lead to such deep change. It’s not only cognitive. It’s physiological.
If you want to understand more about how therapy works through the body, you can read about my approach to somatic therapy.
IFS therapy isn’t the right fit for every situation.
For individuals in active psychosis or those who struggle to stay oriented to the present moment, a more structured, safety-first approach may be needed first. IFS can be integrated later, once stability returns.
IFS also takes time. It’s not a quick fix. But for people ready to meet themselves with honesty and curiosity, it can change how they live inside their own mind.
I see it all the time - when someone stops trying to get rid of their anxiety and starts understanding it, that’s when everything shifts.”
Cheryl Groskopf is a licensed psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) who specializes in anxiety, trauma, attachment patterns, and nervous system regulation.
Her approach integrates Internal Family Systems (IFS)-informed therapy, somatic therapy, and attachment-based work to help people understand their emotional patterns, protective responses, and relationships.
Cheryl is also the author of The Somatic Healing Workbook, featuring 100 practical exercises organized around the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn stress responses. Her insights have been featured in TIME, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and other publications.
It really depends on the person. Many clients start noticing subtle changes within the first few sessions – maybe they don’t spiral as quickly, or they can pause before reacting. Those early moments of space are the nervous system beginning to trust that it’s safe. Deeper regulation takes time, especially if your protectors have been active for years. But once those parts realize they don’t have to stay on constant alert, the shifts become steadier and more natural.
Absolutely. IFS isn’t just for crisis recovery or people with severe trauma histories. It’s for anyone who feels like they’re constantly managing inner tension (like the part that wants to rest versus the part that says, “You should be doing more”). In therapy, we help those parts understand they don’t have to work so hard anymore.
They complement each other beautifully. IFS helps you understand who inside you is activated, while somatic therapy helps you notice how that activation feels in your body. When you pay attention to sensations (like the tightening, the breath holding, the sudden wave of heat), you’re listening to what your protectors are trying to say without words. That awareness helps your nervous system recognize safety in real time. You can read more about how I integrate body-based work here.
Yes. Because most of the work happens internally, IFS translates seamlessly to telehealth. What matters most is the pacing and attunement between you and your therapist. When you’re supported in noticing what’s happening inside your body, even through a screen, the same healing process unfolds. Many of my clients prefer online sessions because they can stay in a familiar environment while doing deeply regulating work.
